Councils required to appoint Road Cone Commissars in cone crackdown
Guest story from Justin Credible
With residents around the country living in fear that the epidemic of road cones might see the silent orange sentinels appear on their street next, Local Government Minister Simon Watts has announced that from 1 April 2025 councils will now be required to appoint at least one Road Cone Commissar for every 10,000 road cones being used within their boundaries.
In legislation rushed through Pickwicks under urgency last night, every local authority around the country is now mandated to appoint at least one Road Cone Commissar. These Commissars have the power to issue spot fines to road cones if the number being placed on a worksite exceed the amount expected to be used by motorists passing said worksite.
To aid in determining whether too many road cones have been used, Commissars will have powers of stop and survey for motorists, enabling them to set up road blocks and require road users to fill out a simple five question survey, after supplying their email address and identifying what pictures contain cyclists, about whether they think the worksite they just passed through contained too many road cones or not.
When questioned whether such measures might be overkill, whether road cones might be necessary to protect workers and keep vehicles off newly laid road surfaces, and whether random motorists might not be qualified to comment on road cone use, Local Government Minister Simon Watts referred all questions to his employers David Seymour and Winston Peters.